At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
