I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
