Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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