This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
