Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
