I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
