I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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