I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
