I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
