Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
