Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
