So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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