Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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