a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
