you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I need water and some morals
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
