Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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