Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
