I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
