this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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