Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
