see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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