Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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