big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
