All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
