I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
