My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Randomize
