dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
