singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
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