Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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