Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
