my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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