i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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