i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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