i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
