A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
