The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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