Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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