I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
