The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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