He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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