I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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