Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize