the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
