Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
