you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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