It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
