I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
