White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
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His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
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I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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