well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
