her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
