Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
