I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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