did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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