You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
