It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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