K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
