Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
