i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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