is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
