i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
