R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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