i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
