I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
