I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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