Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
