coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
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