My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
