I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
