Life is so much better after having sex.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
