You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
