either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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