It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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