He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
