whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
