It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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