He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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