I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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