also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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