my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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