It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize