I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
