member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
